Friendship

When thinking of a good photo to use for this post, I instantly thought of Mortal Kombat. I know that Billy used an "Animality" picture in a recent post of his. This is not an attempt to rip him off. I like to think of it as a collective homage to one of the best fighting games ever.


Hello readership. I am writing this en route from Amsterdam back home to Berlin. Writing blog posts while traveling seems to be a reoccuring theme of mine.

First, I'd like to express to you all how glad I am that my last post concerning relationships was answered by or commented on by many of you. Such a bustle of activity has never graced this blog of mine, and I'm really glad to have heard all of your opinions or comments.

Aside from some rain, Amsterdam was fantastic. It is a very interesting place. I must say that Dutch people are incredibly friendly and forthcoming. That being said, Amsterdam is one of the most culturally diverse cities I've ever been to. All major European capitals will demonstrate 5 or more languages on a walk through a crowded transit area... But Amsterdam really seems to have even more groups of people, at least to me.

There was this gigantic chess board where people would play chess with huge pieces. I watched a handful of games, which was great.

So, what now? Now I wait to hear back from Uni-Assist (the 3rd party that German universities outsource their applicants to) to see if I can begin studies in October. I am being encouraged to take the C2 class, the hardest level of German. It would probably be beneficial... And we all know that this vacation of mine cannot be permanent after all.

I've been thinking a lot lately about Friendship. About how our friendships shape us over the years, and how when one looks back over their life, the various "episodes" have distinct and important casts of characters. For everyone who is reading this, I can recall so many different memories from throughout my life.

I tend to care very much about the people closest to me, putting them in places in my perception that are just as close or important as family. This leads to phenomenal friendships but also sometimes to situations where I am confused. I notice that, as humans grow older, they tend to put distance between themselves and "other people," perhaps retaining a small handful of close friends.

Why do people do that? Does having many friends, "close" friends, or "best" friends mean that they all matter less to me than if I only had 1 or 2 real friends?

I don't think so, personally. Maybe we try to surround ourselves with different types of people. That way, we can admire the qualities about them that are interesting to us, confide in people with whom we feel we can relate, or people who reinforce our opinions and beliefs.

In any case, I consider myself a very lucky person to have the friends that I do have. Many of them won't ever read this blog but my sentiment remains the same. Of course, not even the power of friendship can make us feel completely validated. Maybe we require a mix of being comfortable alone with ourselves as well as maintaining other close human relationships in order to feel balanced and socially adjusted.

Maybe I'll write a blog post about solitude next time.

If you're reading this, and I know you, I am glad that we are friends.

Sexual War Stories

I decided that the title "Sexual War Stories" makes a catchy headline for a post. Thanks go to Billy Bauer for the suggestion. ("Bauer" = "Farmer" in German... seriously!)

Even those who have never watched 24 have heard of Jack Bauer, the ruthless counter-terrorism super agent. And no one is more American than Jack Bauer, except for maybe Billy Bauer. Think of them like the Baldwin brothers. Alec gets all the exposure, but you still see the others once and a while.

So, on to the Sexual War Stories. Actually, I am not going to write about my personal stories. It's not only crude and embarrassing, but also something that I find difficult to write about, least of all for an internet audience.

Instead, I will take a moment to dissect the sadly understated role that I believe sex plays in society. I'm definitely not the "free love" type of guy, having been (mostly) a serial monogamist in the history of my sexually-aware adult life. I've probably got more hang-ups than the average American guy. Some would say that I'm "picky," but it's more like "careful." Sex, or sexual attraction, is a vitally important spark to the beginnings of a relationship. It's something that no adult can adequately explain without the child being immediately grossed out and/or embarrassed because they find themselves in the middle of the archetypal "sex-talk" with their parents. It's something that we all wonder about from childhood until puberty. Then after we figure out the "point" during puberty, it's an awkward, fumbling race to find the real thing. And then after the first time, you're screwed (zing!), because now it's damn near impossible to imagine life without it.

Still, an impressive spectrum emerges from there. Some people only sleep with one person for their entire lives [and I kind of cry for you people] and some people are always bouncing around from one monogamous relationship to the next. Some people are swingers and others are in "open relationships." These last groups intrigue me, because it seems to me that a lot of (if not most) people are very sexually possessive of their partner. Why? Good question. Maybe it's genetic, maybe we just don't like to share... or maybe both? I don't know. Perhaps many people feel that it is the ultimate form of acceptance by another human being, and thus feel validated in themselves for having been so accepted. Of course... similar to food, drugs, and working out, it can also become an addiction. Maybe some of the lure of monogamy is that it provides the promise of regular sex (along with all the emotional stuff too, of course). That could be the motive for swingers too, but they prefer a wider selection as their vehicle for sexual self-validation.

Really, it's a fascinating part of humanity that most people are too shy to talk about. What a shame, because if we could understand it better, we might not all act so stupid in search of it.

Nebel der Zukunft

(Fog of the Future)

I really have been meaning to write an entry for some time. I am sorry that I haven't, because I've had a few good ideas that I wanted to write down... but they always fade before I get back to my computer.

I arrived safely in Berlin on Friday the 2nd. With the help of a friend who happened to be in Berlin that weekend, I managed to find my apartment. For those of you who know Berlin at all, I am staying in Mitte. Fischerinsel to be precise. The closest U-Bahn station is Märkisches Museum on the U2-line (2 stops away [or 10 minutes by foot] from Alexanderplatz). There is an Edeka grocery store directly beneath me, in the same building... which is absurdly convenient. Except, of course, on Sundays... when basically everything is closed. I am not sure I will ever fully adjust to this aspect of German society. At least most items can be obtained at kiosks and in major stations, though.

My course began last Tuesday. They placed me into the C1 level, which is where I want to be. The classes are fun, sometimes difficult (if not very difficult) sometimes not. It is a very different experience than the summer program I went to last year. New students come and go each week. And instead of 1 teacher, we have 3 that rotate depending on the day of the week and time of day.

On the first day, they were showing a PowerPoint presentation showing certain highlights of Berlin. Unfortunately, I had already seen all of these things before. It gave me a certain feeling of snobbery, like I was better than those 28 kids who were visiting from Nebraska (no offense Nebraskaners!) even though I have the advantage of being here for the 5th time, as well as 2.5ish years of relatively intense Deutsch in classrooms, both in Florida and here in Germany...

But the Nebraskans stick to themselves. As do the french-speaking kids from Switzerland. It's all very clannish. It kind of reminds me of prison gangs, where everyone keeps with their own kind. So here I am, the miscellanious American from Florida. The only one who has actually finished my college degree, my purpose here is totally different. I am not pursuing credits, I simply need to improve my skills so that I might do well on the all-important TestDaF. I have been informed that the test consists of 4 parts: speaking, listening, reading and writing-- with heavy emphasis placed on the speaking portion. This could prove to be a problem if my German doesn't exponentially improve over the next few months. The test is graded on a 1-5 scale. I need to get a 4 or a 5 to get into the Universität I want to go to (Actually, I haven't decided which of the 2 major Berliner Unis I'd prefer to attend... Needless to say I'm going to apply to them both).

So, I am without a clique or circle of friends, or even a partner in crime or a wingman. I wish that were not the case, but in a way I am also glad. I am getting to know myself [so cliché, i know] pretty well... as is often the case when one is alone most of the time. And more importantly, I am attempting to be okay with being alone. I just prefer surrounding myself with constant mental stimuli, and have found that conversation is the best form of this stimilation.

It does not help that the sun goes down at 3:30pm every day. That is, if it even comes out. Sometimes we just have 6 hours of "graylight" [coined that myself!] per day and no sun. I guess this is just some form of climate-shock... having come from Florida. I am learning to think in metric and other european systems of measure. For example, it warmed up to 0 degrees Celsius this past weekend, up from about -7 during the days.

Even the river is frozen. I took a picture because I couldn't believe it. It was just so hot here last summer. I suppose my problem is that I am not accustomed to seasons. But, I'm glad to be experiencing them now. I think that my appetite has tripled since I got here. I think my body is trying to hibernate. Seriously. I get tired very early.

All in all, I am adjusting well... but still have a ways to go. I still cannot quite believe that I live here. I have not yet obtained my visa, so I hope that I motivate myself to deal with that soon.

I have seen a whole host of very good movies lately: Slumdog Millionaire, The Wrestler, Towelhead and Seven Lives... to name a few.

I miss home in a very abstract way. People will send me messages talking about how they were driving past my old apartment and it made them miss me. Or I will think about my cat and how he is doing. But, these thoughts fade quickly in a fast-paced city like this one.

I think the best advice I can give to myself is to stop seeking self-validation through the approval and affections of others, but instead to seek it within myself. That way, the approval/affection of others would just be an added buttress to my psyche.