Lebenszeichnen

Lebenszeichnen = sign of life.

After another 2+ month hiatus, I feel it is time for a new post. If I still have an audience, I hope this post reaches you well. As usual, I've had a few ideas about things I want to write about, but never the discipline to sit down and simply do it.

The time flies by, it seems. In the past two months I've been to Florida and back, and also to France for a wedding. I've had a few projects in school, I've made some new friends here in Berlin and found a new apartment (though I'm not moving in for another week) that suits me much more than my current domicile.

In a little over three weeks, after my semester ends, I'm heading back to Florida-- for a whole month this time. I am very much looking forward to it, though that has very little to do with the actual destination.

And more excitingly, albeit further away, my vacation to Oktoberfest in München followed by Cairo is also approaching! Less than 3 months left! All the hotels and flights are taken care of, though AirBerlin has changed their timetable making it impossible to fly with them back to Berlin unless we just want to be in Cairo for 1 day, which seems like a huge waste. In any case, I'm not that concerned and we'll just have to find a new flight home. Luckily there is still plenty of time to figure all this out.

[edit: AirBerlin refunded the flight and now we are flying back to Berlin on a different airline -Turkish Airways- with a couple of hours of layover in Istanbul.] I was pretty pissed at AirBerlin for changing their timetables, but they redeemed themselves when they issued the refund without much trouble.

I've been looking into Ph.D. programs for next year, after my Masters will (allegedly) be finished. From my research, it seems that the best schools in terms of job placement for the kind of program I'm looking for are all Ivy League or otherwise highly reputable schools. (Stanford, Yale, Johns Hopkins, and UC Berkeley to name just a few.) I wouldn't mind living in California again, I lived there as a kid before moving to Sarasota. In any case, I know I want to live in or near a city where stuff actually happens. The idea of moving back to a place like Tallahassee after living in Berlin gives me a sinking feeling in my stomach.

So, I've been thinking more and more about where life will take me after I am finished here. Though, I suspect that I will never really be "done" with Germany. I've invested way too much time and effort in learning the language to just throw it all away and decide to be a baker or a plumber. (Not that there's anything wrong with those professions!) I want to have a job that enables me to travel at least once or twice a year. Ostensibly, I shoud be able to do that if I had a good teaching job at a college or a university, since those professor types always seem to get the summers off, which is awesome. Hopefully during my doctoral program I will be able to "do research" here in Germany, which is a nice excuse to come back to Europe.

It also seems, according to several websites I've been looking at, that many grad programs demand proficiency in more than one foreign language. Having taken French for years during middle and high school, it seems like that would be the obvious choice. But, to be honest, I don't really want to. I also took Spanish at MCC, and that seems like it is a much more practical language to know in America than French. I don't know if I'd ever be able to become as good in Spanish (or anything else) as I am now in German, but that doesn't mean that I can't at least cultivate a decent reading/listening comprehension and also be able to do simple conversational stuff. Anyway, we'll see. It's on my list of medium-to-long term goals. It sure would be nice to be multilingual...

False Friends // Falsche Freunde

While one is learning German, we eventually hear about something called "False Friends," or "Falsche Freunde."

Otherwise known as Übersetzungsfallen (übersetzung = translation; fallen = mistakes), False Friends can make the language very confusing.

[[edit- if you are reading this and you already know German, this post will not be that interesting, so you can skip to the end.]]

Yesterday, Billy commented on my last post with:

< "I read yesterday that the term "U-boat" is "U-boot" in German, which is short for, "underseeboot." Seriously, how difficult can it be to be fluent in German? We'd all probably be fluent in it if we could stop laughing long enough to remember anything." >

While I appreciate William's mockery of a language spoken by over 100 million native speakers, plus another 80 million non-native speakers, his comment spurred the idea for this post. Hats off to Mr. Farmer, who may or may not also be a "False Friend."

While some German words are almost identical to English words of the same meaning, many are not. But first, let's have a look at a few words that are hilariously similar to their English übersetzungen.

praktisch = practical
typisch = typical
Auto = car
Straße = street
Lampe = lamp
Reis = rice
Wein = wine
Stoff = stuff
unter = under

And then we have Billy's example, the U-Boot, which does in fact mean unterseeboot.

Looking at all this, the beginning student of German begins to feel a brief sense of relief. Maybe learning this new language won't be so hard, after all! Well, I'm sorry to say, this is where the False Friends come in to fuck up your Christmas.

Now, I will give you all a different list. The infamous False Friends:

Gift = poison
Mist = "crap!" (used as a slang, child-friendly swear word: "Mist!")
Hölle = Hell (fire and brimstone)
hell = bright
breit = wide
weit = far
fahr = drive (a car)
Flasche = bottle (think "flask")
Kaution = deposit (like a security deposit)
aktuell = recent/current
Handy = cell phone
fast = almost
bald = soon
Rat = advice
Wand = wall
Stapler = forklift
stern = star
Rente = pension
sympatisch = pleasant, likeable
nett = nice
dick = fat
groß/gross = tall/big
Dusche = shower

I find that those last 3 are the funniest. There are a lot more, but I don't want to make this post too lengthy.

So, next week I start my Orientierung (another word that belongs in the first list) and then the following week I start classes. I will not lie, I have grown much more anxious about this as the initial euphoric glow of acceptance/passing the DSH has faded. I really hope that I am able to keep up with this grad school thing in a foreign language. I already know that it will demand so much more of my time than it would for, say, a native German speaker. But, I am going to give it my best shot.

I have been trying to ride my bicycle as often as possible. I did for the past 3 days, but it is raining and cold outside today. I really like the distraction of exercise. The endorphin buzz that follows is certainly pleasant as well. I am a little bit sad that Summer is over, because now about 6 months of graylight and rain/snow await me... just as I was incorporating the bike rides into my daily routine. Maybe I will join a gym. Or maybe I will just climb the stairs in my building to the 6th floor and back over and over, potentially frightening my neighbors.

This post also marks the first time since I resurrected my blog that I've posted more than twice in 1 calendar month. Try to contain yourselves.

Lebensmüde & The Apocalypse

Lebensmüde = tired or weary of life.

I rather enjoy starting my posts with a fun vocabulary word. This "lebensmüde" adjective makes me giggle a little inside. Leave it to the Germans to have this word. Although, I can say that I have certainly felt lebensmüde before. Some of you out there must be aware of this. Another great word that I recently put somewhere on Liz's blog was Existenzangst. This word means "existential angst" and also sort of something like "fear of existence." I promise, these people over here have been philosophizing for quite some time... and some pretty dark and awesome themes have emerged. But I'll leave that for a philosopher-king to explain, sometime.

I realize that I have been very lax in posting. Today marks one full month since my last post. In the past week or so, I've had plenty of requests/demands for new posts... from people who are not in my "following," which gives me some hope that this is being read by a significant enough number of people to give me the motivation to write. Thank you, to any of you who complained to me that it had been too long. Really.

Sadly, not much has really changed in the past month. I am still awaiting the results of my TestDaF examination, which should arrive in the next week or two. Afterward I must begin my applications to the Universität that I want to go to. I'll keep you posted.

In my last post, I briefly discussed my descent from casual nihilism to critical nihilism. If it wasn't "critical" last month, it probably is now. By "critical," I mean that it has (possibly) reached a sort of critical mass, and I cannot bring myself to care about most things in the same way that I ever did before. I approach many situations with total disinterest. Even the most serious of things fail to stir a proper emotional response. I still do not know if this makes me a callous asshole, or a strong person capable of accepting things that most people have trouble with. I almost feel disassociated with the world around me, relying on fictional narratives and a handful of human connections to keep me somewhat "grounded."

Talking about things like this is difficult for me. Writing about them, for a public audience, is yet a bit more difficult. But then I realize that if you're reading this, you probably at least kind of care about me, and won't judge me too harshly. And if you ARE judging me... well, the beauty of the nihilism is that I just don't care. I will end this rant now, and say that I am looking forward to William's podcast on the subject this weekend, where he will likely bring up other German philosophers who are also bad-ass.

That all sounds very depressing. Almost aggressive... I don't mean it that way. I just want to get my feelings out into words before they escape me, or before I lose the motivation to even do so.

I have been living in Germany for five months now. Unbelievable. It seems like such a short time. I think I have written about my "deutsch-esteem" before. I have gotten to the point where I can comprehend basically everything I hear and can communicate my opinions... just not as articulately as a native speaker. I doubt I'll ever get to that point. But, I am sure that being in an academic setting is vital to this. For the past month, as I've been on what I call "permanent vacation," I have felt the german-speaking part of myself start to shrink ever so slightly. Luckily I had it built up pretty far, and I still make efforts to hear, read and write it every day. I guess my problem is that, in our world of skills, talents, degrees and accreditation.... my being able to understand one foreign language really isn't all that special. So I had better make it count.

As I wander around Berlin, I often come up with subjects for this blog, which I subsequently either discard or forget. I've thought about doing an entry entirely in German, but that would be more of a practice exercise for me than something most of you would want to read. I'll do one in German if Billy does one in Japanese, how about that? At least they have decent internet translators for German <-> English...

Switching subjects, I have always been pre-occupied with the Apocalypse. Not necessarily the DragonRealms "Cataclysm," nor the biblical "Revelations." Just the concept in general. For this reason, I have an strong affinity for Resident Evil, Terminator, Mad Max, I Am Legend, Stephen King's The Stand and Battlestar Galactica. The list goes on and on, but it does not include the Left Behind series with Kirk Cameron.

I think the reason that I am so interested in eschatology is not because I want the world to end. I really don't. I just wonder what would happen if every single infrastructure in the world failed, and only 5% of the human race remained alive. Would we climb back to our former positions? Somehow... I don't think so. Whether it's nuclear war, a zombie invasion, or an army of sentient and murderous machines... we'd need to figure something out if we want to survive. It would give us a genuine purpose to live, beyond just living. We would not be concerned with Starbucks, iPods or luxury cars. Maybe, in wanting the apocalypse, I actually just want something more for the human race.

Badass

Well, I'm still alive.

I took the TestDaF last week. It was quite difficult. I feel like I can never accurately gauge my performance on any kind of exam. I could have done quite well, or poorly. I will get my results in about 6 weeks, which is an excruciating amount of time to wait. Oh well.

I had my 27th birthday last Saturday. A small group of friends and I gathered for the occasion. They brought pointy party hats and extending paper kazoos. I'll put pictures up on facebook eventually... Though I am mildly indifferent towards the idea of birthdays anymore. I cannot believe I am 27 years old. Everyone always complains about "feeling old," so I'll keep it to a minimum. In fact, I won't complain at all. I just have trouble grasping the reality of my age, and how much time has passed since I learned to drive a car, since I played Final Fantasy VII, or graduated from Pine View. [12 years, 12 years, and 9 years respectively...]

On a somewhat personal note, and a different topic entirely, I have been feeling very nihilistic lately. That is not to say that certain things do not matter to me... But on the average, my perceptions of a great many things have changed over the past year or two. It is harder for me to laugh and harder for me to cry about anything. (But when I do, it's really great...) I find myself pulling away from human relationships. Almost nothing surprises me anymore. When confronted with something tragic or astonishing, I just kind of nod and give a cursory sigh. This may be one of the most personal things I've ever written on here, but it feels good to put my feelings to words. I am not necessarily worried about this change in myself, but I do worry that the trend will continue, further diminishing the value I have for anything.

Now I'd like to talk about one of my favorite words: "Badass."

Almost as ubiquitous as the F-word, Badass has so many wonderful applications.

As an adjective, it can simply act as a colorful synonym for "cool," "amazing," or "impressive."

That movie was BADASS!

As a noun, it refers more to somebody who is intimidating, powerful, or tough.

Sephiroth is such a badass...

I find myself using it all the time. I'll say it when someone tells me something that pleases me. Emphasis can make the word even stronger by inserting a pause in the middle and stretching out the vowels: "Baad Aass!" with a tone of sincerity or reverence.

And all of this from a word that, interpreted literally, means "butt cheeks of poor quality" or "a rear end up to no good." English is a crazy, crazy language.

Gregor the Polish Newspaper Salesman

So every day, I either walk home after school (30-35 minutes) or I take the U-Bahn (subway; 10-12 minutes). If I take the U-Bahn, I have to change lines once. This involves a 1-2 minute walk through an underground tunnel walkway. Every day, a man is there peddling the Berliner Zeitung, one of the major newspapers here. He is very aggressive in his sales technique, and has gotten in my face more than once. His name is Gregor.

Finally I decided to humor the fellow... After all, I have no problem talking with strangers. I spent about a half hour talking to him last Friday. The conversation took place in German, but I could tell by his accent that he was not German. I asked him where he was from, and he told me that he came from Poland. Having also detected the non-German twist in my accent, he began to try to talk to me with broken English. I told him that I could understand German too, and he seemed relieved as he is far more comfortable with German.

So, after exchanging some small talk, he began to inquire about some of the strange nuances of the English language. [I have told this story a few times already, but it never gets old.] He got out a pen and wrote out three phrases on one of his newspapers.

"Look out"
"Look up"
"Stand down"

I had to explain to him that to "look out" had both an objective and subjective meaning. One can look out the window, or look out for danger/suspicious individuals. Likewise, one can look up at the ceiling, or "look up to their grandfather as a role model." He really liked that one. The hardest to explain was to "stand down," which he assumed meant something like kneeling or sitting down. I had to explain it using a metaphor involving the military or police and how a person of authority would theoretically tell his subordinates to "stand down" and halt their impending action. He kept asking me, "Why?" and I had no answer for him.

All of this was conducted in German, which led me to chuckle a bit as I walked away with a gratis copy of the paper as my reward for the mini English lesson. An American explaining a few complexities of the English language, in German, to a Polish man selling newspapers in a subway station.

I guess the whole experience made me realize how absurdly complicated languages are, especially English, and how I guess I'm glad to have that as my first language.

Speaking of language, I had a five hour long Prüfung (test) today, from 9:00am to 2:00pm. It was the first time that I'd had such a long test since the SATs, I think. The test consisted of the listening, reading and writing comprehension to the C1 level of German (C2 being the highest of 6 levels from A1-C2*). Tomorrow I have to do the speaking section, which is only 45 minutes altogether. But I'm not worried about tomorrow. Today was the real deal. I cannot say if I "passed" or not, but I'll find out on Friday. Honestly, it does not really matter all that much. Especially compared to the all-important TestDaF on April 22nd to determine my eligibility for University study here. Still, I'd prefer to pass it. This is my 8th, and final, week of C1 class at the d.i.d. institut. I'm actually going to miss it a lot. But, I'll be back in less than a month, for the TestDaF prep course.

[* I wanted to comment on how interesting it is to me how countries organize their proficiency-levels. Billy was recently writing about the language levels in Japan (1-5?), and I wanted to take this opportunity to see if he'd be willing to further elaborate on these levels, either here or in his own blog.]

I have been wanting to update this more regularly, and often come up with ideas of things to write about... But I always end up scrapping the ideas. I haven't decided exactly which direction I want this blog to go in. Some people handle their blogs like diaries, updating daily (or more than once a day) with details of all the trivium of their everyday lives. (i.e. "today i woke up and brushed my teeth and then went to school/work and then met up with my friend so we could go shopping for shoes," etc.) Not that there is anything wrong with that. One of my favorite things about the Internet is the freedom of speech it provides. (Unless you are in an oppressive country like Myanmar, where the regime simply unplugs themselves from the Internet when the monks/students start protesting not just on the streets, but online.)

Or some people write primarily about how they've been feeling... using the blog as a direct conduit to tell their audience about their emotional/personal ups and downs. There is nothing wrong with this either, in my opinion. It's just that... personally, I sometimes struggle with the idea of publishing my emotional struggles on such an accessible forum. I mean, hell, my Facebook page links directly here. And everyone knows that just because I have 200+ Facebook "friends," doesn't mean they are all "real" friends... or at least not people I'd want reading super personal things about myself. I guess there is an intrinsic degree of exhibitionism in ANY blog... but still.

Fremdsprachen

(foreign languages)

As of today, I have been in Germany for 1 month. Though truthfully it feels like less than that. I want to write about languages in this post.

I wish that I had been a better student in elementary/middle/high school. I always just did the bare minimum to scrape by. I never paid attention in classes (with a few exceptions, like Mr. Percival's Astronomy class...) I didn't do homework, and put off projects and papers until the last minute. In my defense, I read a lot of books. But they were mostly science fiction or fantasy books, which somehow is less "legit" than reading Shakespeare or Dickens or Tolstoy. [Though I will never apologize for reading every single Piers Anthony book.]

I wish that I had taken Latin. If I had, I feel like learning German would be a lot easier. I think it is more than a little bit sad that most Americans are monolingual. I have written in the past about my experiences with languages. Pine View tried really hard to get us into languages. I took French there for what must have been 5 years, but don't really remember it. I hear they offer Arabic and Mandarin now, though I have yet to confirm that. I took Japanese over the summer when I was 14, but don't remember that either.

The bottom line is, despite exposure to Russian, French, Spanish, Japanese... I never bothered to see the advantages of knowing foreign languages. I sometimes feel like it is "too late" for me. Considering I started German (which I am determined to master) at the age of 24, I feel like a 3 year old toddler here, who can understand the majority of what I hear but cannot respond in kind. It's getting better though, and I've learned a lot over the past month.

At the moment, I've got friends living in S. Korea, Japan, France, and Ukraine. I know at least one of these people reads this blog consistently. I just wonder how long it really takes to achieve fluency, if it is even possible. I am in class with some people who have been learning German for 7-9 years, and thus feel like I am at a huge disadvantage. I can communicate better than I have ever been able to, but still feel like I am mangling my sentences, or forgetting words that I've learned a thousand times before.

This tone of this entry is beginning to smack of self-pity.

So I've been reading Der Vorleser (a.k.a. The Reader, made into a film w/ Kate Winslet) and it is the first full book that I have attempted to read, and so far I'm understanding most of what is going on. If I stop to look up every unknown word, it takes me 15 minutes to read a page, so I just gloss over and try to glean the meaning from the context. It's pretty exciting to me, though the actual story isn't mind-blowing, that I am even able to read to the level that I can.

Speaking of Pine View, our 10 year reunion (if we're having one?) is next year. I often find myself wondering what has been going on for the past 9 years. I went to college [more than once], I've been in relationships, both serious and less-serious. I've made and lost friends, lived in a few different apartments, worked a few jobs. I wonder if my fellow Classmates of the year 2000 ever feel the same as I do. Though I have seen many of these people since 2000, there are those that I have not seen since the night we graduated. I wonder what those people look like now, and what they are doing.

And now I find myself here, in a city that is currently celebrating the 20th anniversary of the fall of a wall that divided the city (/country/continent) from 1961-1989. I am still beyond happy to be here. I have a future plan, which I am sure will continually change, but that's alright with me.

I wonder how many people actually read this... If you are a regular reader, you should "follow" this blog so I can know how large my audience truly is. I would probably be inclined to update more often if I knew that people are reading these ramblings.