Sexual War Stories

I decided that the title "Sexual War Stories" makes a catchy headline for a post. Thanks go to Billy Bauer for the suggestion. ("Bauer" = "Farmer" in German... seriously!)

Even those who have never watched 24 have heard of Jack Bauer, the ruthless counter-terrorism super agent. And no one is more American than Jack Bauer, except for maybe Billy Bauer. Think of them like the Baldwin brothers. Alec gets all the exposure, but you still see the others once and a while.

So, on to the Sexual War Stories. Actually, I am not going to write about my personal stories. It's not only crude and embarrassing, but also something that I find difficult to write about, least of all for an internet audience.

Instead, I will take a moment to dissect the sadly understated role that I believe sex plays in society. I'm definitely not the "free love" type of guy, having been (mostly) a serial monogamist in the history of my sexually-aware adult life. I've probably got more hang-ups than the average American guy. Some would say that I'm "picky," but it's more like "careful." Sex, or sexual attraction, is a vitally important spark to the beginnings of a relationship. It's something that no adult can adequately explain without the child being immediately grossed out and/or embarrassed because they find themselves in the middle of the archetypal "sex-talk" with their parents. It's something that we all wonder about from childhood until puberty. Then after we figure out the "point" during puberty, it's an awkward, fumbling race to find the real thing. And then after the first time, you're screwed (zing!), because now it's damn near impossible to imagine life without it.

Still, an impressive spectrum emerges from there. Some people only sleep with one person for their entire lives [and I kind of cry for you people] and some people are always bouncing around from one monogamous relationship to the next. Some people are swingers and others are in "open relationships." These last groups intrigue me, because it seems to me that a lot of (if not most) people are very sexually possessive of their partner. Why? Good question. Maybe it's genetic, maybe we just don't like to share... or maybe both? I don't know. Perhaps many people feel that it is the ultimate form of acceptance by another human being, and thus feel validated in themselves for having been so accepted. Of course... similar to food, drugs, and working out, it can also become an addiction. Maybe some of the lure of monogamy is that it provides the promise of regular sex (along with all the emotional stuff too, of course). That could be the motive for swingers too, but they prefer a wider selection as their vehicle for sexual self-validation.

Really, it's a fascinating part of humanity that most people are too shy to talk about. What a shame, because if we could understand it better, we might not all act so stupid in search of it.