Breaking the Ice

It seems that I almost let February become another month without a post. Oops! To those of you who replied last month to tell me that you are still reading - Thank you. I promise that I will try to write a little more often. It's not that I don't want to write, I just don't make myself sit down and do it when I have an idea for a post.

My first semester of grad school at Humboldt is basically over. I don't have to go to classes anymore, I just have to write a 20-page research paper on the history of the Ku Klux Klan. I should also mention that I have been told to write this paper in English, which will make the project quite a bit easier. Not that I don't want to write papers in German, because I know that I will have to while I'm in this program... It's just that English is, unsurprisingly, the language of choice for international historical publications. Lucky me! In any case, I have until the end of March to write this paper. This is a good thing, because aside from the gathering of sources and some preliminary research, I have not started insofar as actual writing is concerned.

Tomorrow I have to sign up for classes for the Summer semester, which runs from April through July. I need to take some extra credits because my total number of credits for this last semester fell kind of short. I am thinking about taking a German language course, specifically a writing workshop. From what I have gathered after living here for the last 14 months, most people develop their reading and writing skills better/faster than their conversational skills. For me it is entirely the other way around, so I am going to try to work on that.

The long, frigid winter is finally over. Just a week ago there was still ice and snow all over the sidewalks. Now it has all melted away, leaving behind millions of tiny stones that the Germans use instead of salt as an environmentally friendly way of keeping people from slipping on the ice that forms when the snow melts under its own weight and then refreezes to form a shiny sheet of slippery ice (Glatteis). This year, hundreds of people fell and busted their asses on the Glatteis. I was lucky enough to avoid falling, mostly because when I walked anywhere I did so with my arms extended as though I was walking a tightrope, and each baby step I took was carefully considered. It was slow going, and I'm glad that it is over.

Once the BSR (Berliner Stadtreinigung = the people in charge of cleaning Berlin) felt that it was appropriate, they began the process of de-icing the city. This was done primarily with shovels and picks, chipping the ice off of the sidewalks and throwing it into piles where it would melt away. It was very fulfilling for me to see this process, because it symbolized a change of seasons. I felt that I, like Berlin, would begin to really experience 2010. I have missed being outside. I miss riding my bike, and look forward to starting that again in a couple of weeks. Don't get me wrong, it's still pretty cold (especially relative to my Floridian standards), but it is much more tolerable.

One good thing about the winter, I started going to the gym regularly. In the past 2-3 months I've noticed several changes: I am eating healthier. I feel stronger. I think that I look different, and most notably, I have noticed a significant increase in my mood/mental well-being. I only attribute part of this to the regular exercise, though. The rest of it may have to do with the presence of a certain someone in my life, and the unexpected but exciting relationship that has subsequently developed between us. I guess the best things that happen to us in life are the things that we cannot predict... If I felt that my blog was an appropriate place to do so, here is about where I would insert many happy emoticons to indicate to you, my audience, how much happier I am these days.

Oh! I am going to København (Copenhagen) on Friday for a long weekend! I have never been to Denmark and, aside from my two week trip to Florida over the holidays, it will be my first real traveling experience since I went to Amsterdam last July with my buddy Jake. Needless to say, I am very excited! It will be great to experience someplace completely new to me (that is, not Berlin or Florida). I will write more about the experience afterwards, but until then I've still got plenty of work to do: making my apartment clean/comfortable/presentable, choosing my classes for next semester, working on my KKK paper and getting fit at the gym.

Back to School!

*I just want to point out that the kid in the blue shirt in the middle of this picture is so excited to be going back to school that he isn't even touching the ground at all. Has anyone in the history of human society ever been this excited for anything?

Hi everyone.

I started classes last week! I must admit, it is wonderful to have a routine in my life again. Of course, when my alarm goes off, I usually grumble about it for a while before stumbling into the shower. But it feels nice to be actually tired (exhausted) at the end of the day. I have always had issues falling asleep, and now is no exception. But, it has been perhaps a little bit easier.

I have been to all of my classes so far, of which there are 9. Six of those nine classes are Vorlesung ("lecture") classes. These are an anomaly to me. At Humboldt, these lecture classes are worth 2 credits each. But all I have to do is show up and listen. There is no homework. No project. No test at the end. Only half of my lectures have attendance checks, so I don't even have to show up for the others. But I do anyway, because I need the practice.

So, since I signed up for six lectures at 2 credits each, 12 of my 28 semester credits would fall into the "very easy" category.

Yes, I said 28 credits. One class, called a Hauptseminar ("advanced seminar") is worth 10 credits because I have to write a long paper at the end, and give a presentation to the class. My advanced seminar is absolutely the scariest class I am taking this semester. It is about the National Socialism movements in 1920-1945, and how it spread outward from Germany across Europe.

And then yet another class is worth 4 credits. It's called an Übung, which means "exercise/activity," and concerns itself with the "Everyday life of students in Berlin in the 19th and early 20th century." Apparently we will just have discussions and stuff, which I am somewhat self-conscious about because of my accent. Just knowing words, and being able to say them, is not enough anymore. I must also have the confidence to inject my personality into what I am saying. And while I do possess said confidence, I have been feeling somewhat like Chinese exchange students must feel at universities in America... This feeling of alienation is almost totally unfamiliar to me, despite having been here for 10 months now. I must concentrate very hard on what is being said at all times, which eventually gives me what I call "language headaches."

When I get a language headache, all I want to do is sit and an episode of Heroes or read the New York Times so that I can relax a little bit. I am assuming that this level of intensity will pay off in short order. I already feel like I am comprehending more this week than I did last week. The road to fluency is a difficult one, apparently.

Two of my classes (1 lecture and 1 Proseminar ["undergrad seminar"]) are in English. The lecture is about British cultural history and the seminar deals with the various tribunals and courtroom proceedings against Nazi war criminals. These classes are interesting and fun, and require very little effort.

There are many strange, small differences between the atmosphere in European institutions of higher education and their American cousins. One interesting one is that students always applaud at the end of class, to show respect. But they do not clap their hands. Instead, they rap their knuckles on the desks to create a cacophony of knocking sounds. The first time I experienced it I actually chuckled to myself a little.

So, this is what I wanted! Grad school with the added difficulty of language acquisition/development. I knew not how vastly challenging this would be in practice. But I honestly believe that if I were taking such classes in America right now that I would feel significantly more bored with it. I just have to push through the remaining language barriers.

I miss riding my bicycle. It is getting very cold and graylight is mostly all that I get to see of the Sun during days which grow ever shorter as winter descends.

I am going back to Florida in 2 months to visit my family and some friends. I am looking forward to that, having not been back since I left right after Christmas last year. Unlike most people, I am not at all a fan of the holidays. I am not necessarily an Ebenezer Scrooge about it, but I don't find myself excited at all. I look forward to seeing those people that I care about, and those that care about me. The fact that it will occur over the holiday season is just a coincidence.

I have more to write about, but it will have to wait. My landlord needs me to translate for him again. Someone from the Romanian Embassy lives in my building (in an apartment that is easily twice as large and luxurious as my own) and his wife speaks English but not German.

Success: The DSH Conclusion

Well, dear Readership... The last time I posted I was stressing out because of the all-important DSH language test. I had tutoring, I studied quite a bit, I did not sleep enough at all. But last Friday the 11th, I had 3 sections of the test. Reading, writing, listening. As I left the University auditorium where the test was held, I tried to suppress the "Good Feeling" that I had about it, because I did not want to get my hopes up.

Yesterday, the 16th, I had to go see if I had passed the first 3 sections of the test, and to see if I needed to take the "Spoken" (mündliche) portion of the test, which was held today. I did, in fact, have to take the spoken exam, in order to determine if I passed overall or not.

Well, I did it! I passed the spoken section today, and my overall result should be a DSH 2. (The scale goes from 1-3, with a 1 being a "failing" grade.) I needed either a 2 or a 3, and I got it!

This means that I've got about 2.5 weeks left of my "vacation," which is now FINALLY coming to an end. I guess I jumped the gun 2 posts ago when I got my acceptance letter. So... yes, NOW I really am going to Graduate school here in Berlin, at Humboldt Universität! Woo!

This is the result of almost 9 months of paperwork, 2 language classes, 3 language tests, with lots of sitting around and waiting in between. Pride is not something that I feel very often, but I feel it a little bit today.

It means big changes are coming, for me. No longer will I spend the majority of my day wasting time on Facebook (which, despite what I said in my last post, happened all too frequently over the past couple of weeks) or other time-wasting activities. Instead, I will be up to my eyeballs in classes in a language that is not English. Thus, it will require great effort on my part. Although I passed the DSH, that does not mean that I am "fluent" yet. I wrote a blog post a while back about what it means to be "fluent" in a language, and I know Billy has covered the theme of fluency as well...

Fluency in a different language is difficult to achieve, and even more difficult to describe. To be sure, there is a certain baseline level of knowledge... the ability to react spontaneously without thinking about a word or an adjective... but it depends entirely on the situation.

There is an election here in Germany in 10 days, so that has been dominating the news here. I watch the news every day, because it is much less dilute and sensational as American media. The one show I watch every day is called the "Tagesschau" ("Daily Show," hilariously enough). It is exactly 15 minutes long. Very short, very concise and really everything one should know about events for that day. Anyways, they have been talking about the upcoming election a lot as of late, and although I do follow what they are talking about, I do not always know the words for what the hell they are talking about. It's politic-speak. And much like English politic-speak, it is verbose and complex. In these instances, I feel much less fluent.

But then, when I hang out with regular German people my age, I have no problems. So, I expect that being in school here will accelerate this process. But I posit that fluency is impossible to achieve. Instead it is like a muscle that you build up every time you practice, but conversely it can also atrophy if you neglect it.

I can't wait to have a routine again. I have also been riding my bicycle as much as possible, which gives me a nice endorphin buzz, and allows me to better grasp the geography of (at least my area of) this enormous city. After all, if I'm going to be here for the next 2+ years, I had better know my way around, right?

DSH Panikattacken

I am not going to translate that one for you.

So, my acceptance to Humboldt is actually conditional. I have to pass another language exam, called the DSH.

Deutsche Sprachprüfung zum Hochschulzugang = German language proficiency test for university entrance.

This test is on September 11th, or, one week from tomorrow.

And I do not know if I am actually good enough, to get the required score. If I don't pass it, then I don't get to start this semester.

I'm kind of freaking out about it. So, to try to compensate, I am going to try to spend much less time on the computer. At least, as it pertains to English-related, time-wasting activities like checking Facebook every 5 minutes.

I will pop by now and then, of course. But I'm going into Stealth Mode for the sake of my future. I'll be back after Judgement Day.

A New Beginning

Hello everyone. I have been waiting to post until I received an answer from Humboldt Universität (seen above) regarding my acceptance.

As many of you know, I've been in Germany for 8 months (to the day, almost). In that time, I was in the C1 language course for all of January and February. Then I took the TestDaF prep course in late March and early April. The actual test was April 22nd.

So for the last 4 months, I have really done nothing of substantial merit. I have been on what I called a Permanent Vacation for the last 4 months! In situations like this my structure fades away and I tend to not care if it's Monday or Saturday, because it's always the same.

Well, my permanent vacation is coming to an abrupt end.

Because today, I got accepted to Humboldt for a Master's program in History!

I have to take a test called the DSH on September 11th, and then I will be matriculated into the German education system.

I am still very much in shock. Since I graduated FSU in April 2008 (16 months ago?) I feel like I've been floundering through life, directionless and without a purpose. This is not to say that being a student will bestow purpose upon me, but it IS a good start. I will finally start meeting people and my language skills will really take off.

Finally, after 8 months of being in Germany working towards this one thing, I actually achieved it.

For those of you that have been so supportive of me, you have my sincerest gratitude.

I'm going to have to start changing my ways, big time. No more sleeping all day and staying up all night. I've been trying to go on a daily bike ride for exercise and to explore the city. I have to implement these changes quickly if I am to be successful at Humboldt. But for now, I am incredibly excited.

Uncertainty

Considering that August is halfway through, I decided that today might be a good day to write a blog post so that I don't fall behind on by 2 posts per month average.

I still have not heard anything from Humboldt regarding my application for a Master's program, which would begin in October. I check the mailbox daily. I have been informed that I should receive my answer sometime in August, so this means that I've got no more than 2 more weeks until I find out.

At first my patience was holding rather strong. A few weeks ago I received an email from the application company saying that I was qualified to apply, and that my application would be sent on to Humboldt for further processing. (Foreigners here must apply through a third-party. I am not sure why, I suppose the schools themselves do not want to waste their time with foreigners who don't even come close to making the grade.) At first I thought this email itself WAS my acceptance. But upon closer inspection, I discovered that it was like a pre-acceptance.

I wrote in a previous blog post... that if I was not accepted to Humboldt, that I will just get a job, retake the TestDaF, and try again next semester. This is still my backup plan.

But what is really getting to me now, is the uncertainty. I suppose I should attempt to be more willing to "go with the flow," and submit myself to the fact that I have no real control over what will happen.

Whatever happens, things do need to change. I am getting tired of having no enforced structure on my life. My permanent vacation has become my reality. I have no need to wake up early, or to do much of anything really. Many motivated friends of mine would simply implement their own routine and try to follow it as best as possible. I suppose I could do the same. Why don't I? Or rather, why do I find it so difficult?


I have been keeping up with American current events. It seems like the country is going insane with these "Town Hall" meetings. I've watched a few of them on YouTube. The "birther" movement is a new mutation of right-wing fringe madness. Despite being dismissed by the chairman of the RNC, as well as even many of the Fox News pundits... People are actually saying that Obama was not actually born in Hawaii, but Kenya instead? Wouldn't such a ridiculous "smoking gun" have been vetted by his opponents and critics like 2 years ago? I do not understand how misinformation and patent stupidity could actually be so contagious.

Fanning the flames of ignorance and hatred are certainly not new developments in our society. Not at all. But at the same time, I have heard from adults who honestly believe Glenn Beck's claim that Obama has set up FEMA concentration camps for those who disagree with Obama. America may have a lot of problems... but is not following in the footsteps of Cuba or Nazi Germany or Stalinist USSR when it comes to rounding up political dissidents and throwing them in prison. What a preposterous claim!

While being as pretty far away from conversative/republican as is possible... I certainly support their right to exist and to disagree with the me. I've googled things like "political prisoners in america" and weeded my way through various hate-mongering message boards. I usually try to stay away from such websites, but I was curious. I wish I hadn't bothered to look. The internet can be a scary place, sometimes.

The Seeker and The Sought

Hello everyone. It has, once again, been a short while since my last post. Maybe I am afraid that if I post too frequently, my posts will go unread.

In any case, what is new. I am still on Permanent Vacation. Well, it is not entirely permanent. I am putting the finishing touches on my application to Humboldt Universität Berlin. The deadline is actually up next Wednesday, and I'm just waiting on my transcript to get here from FSU. I won't find out if I was accepted or not until August. If accepted, I must retake a German proficiency exam called the DSH in September, because my TestDaF scores were not high enough. I am not at all excited about re-taking a language exam.

In preparation for this test, I will probably be taking the C2 level course for 8 weeks, in August and September, at the same school that I completed the C1 level course in January and February. I am a little nervous about that possibility, because C2 is the last level. I should theoretically be able to do "anything" after that.

If I do not get accepted to Humboldt, then I will end up getting a job and then re-applying for the Spring Semester. This is obviously the lesser of the 2 possible options.

Other than that, not much is new in Germany. It is getting very warm. Since Europeans do not believe in A/C, I bought myself an oscillating fan. It has been worth every penny thus far.


So I've been thinking about writing a blog post about a certain topic for a while. It has to do with the dynamic between two people. This applies (to some extent) to platonic friendships, but moreso to intimate relationships. Since relationships seem to be a hot blog topic, I figured it was about time to throw this out there. I have talked about this with some of you in the past, and it has been a theory of mine for quite some time.

I believe that in every relationship between two people, one person plays the role of the "Seeker," which means that he or she actively spends more time "pursuing" the other person, who takes the role of the "Sought." When I talk about "pursuit," I do not necessarily mean when one tries to make the other into their significant other (although that certainly counts too) but I also just mean when one person seems to try harder than the other to hang out, to get in touch, etc. I would actually say that this dynamic applies to every relationship. And most certainly to every significant other-relationship.

The healthiest couples are usually (of course not always) those that have the smallest "gap" in between the Seeker and the Sought. If it is either so small that it cannot be noticed, or even small enough that the two people change roles back and forth, that usually makes for a relationship that can last for a while.

One must also watch out at the beginning of a courtship (or even a new friendship). If you meet someone, exchange phone numbers and/or add them to your Facebook, you would do well to not send them 10 unanswered text messages a day. If they are replying to your 10 messages, obviously the gap between you is small and you are on the right track. This may sound like common sense, but it's amazing how often people ruin potentially good relations because they fail to exercise restraint.

I have been on both ends of this before. When you are the Seeker, you feel that if you do not put in 60% or more of the total "work" required to maintain a relationship, that it will fall apart. Most often, the Sought KNOWS full well that the Seeker feels this way, and may use it to their advantage.

At the beginning, the distinction between the two can be blurred by mutual enthusiasm for one another. In these instances I would say that both parties are Seekers and thus are both Sought. But, inevitably an imbalance will evolve. In the best of scenarios, this imbalance is negligible or practically non-existent.

Sometimes the imbalance grows exponentially, like a cancer. The Sought becomes annoyed with the Seeker's constant attempts for more affection/attention and then pulls away. The increased distance makes the Seeker panic, and consequently they will Seek even harder. This cyclical downward spiral situation is amongst the worst of cases.

Of course, human relationships can be incredibly complicated. Not every relationship can be boiled down to these 2 categories. But it provides a useful model when one contemplates their relationships with others.

Permanent Vacation & Stockholm Syndrome

Man, I should stop waiting weeks in between entries. I really am sorry to those of you who have been actually asking for updates. I am notoriously bad about frequent updating. But hey, doesn't that mean that when I do update, it is a little more special?

Important news: I passed the TestDaF! I did not do perfectly, though. So, I have to retake another German language test in September before my classes would theoretically start in October. The Freie Universität Berlin, where I HAD wanted to go is no longer an option for me, as I basically missed the application deadline due to serious misinformation. So now I am applying for a Master's program at Humboldt Universität, the alma mater of: Einstein, Bismarck, Engels, Hegel, Schopenhauer, Marx, Heisenberg, W.E.B. DuBois and The Brother's Grimm.

Cross your fingers for me, my friends. I really want to get in to this Universität. I am tired of not being in school anymore. My life has very little structure. I basically stay up late, and sleep in every single day. I have dubbed this my "permanent vacation," which is much less relaxing than one would imagine after weeks go by. One becomes a little stir crazy. I am only allowed to work 3 days a week on my current visa, so that has made me balk at job hunting. I miss feeling like I have a purpose or reason to get up in the morning, beyond a distant "Fall 09" semester. I want to feel like I am accomplishing something.

A couple of weeks ago I went to Stockholm, Sweden. It was a truly amazing place. The sun shines for like 20 hours a day during the summer. The language is totally beautiful. But, I would never bother to learn it because only 10 million people live in Sweden, and they ALL speak perfect English anyway. Some highlights of the trip include:

- Räksmörgås - These are open-faced sandwiches (pictured above) with mayo, egg, and a giant pile of tiny shrimp. I don't even like shrimp that much, but these sandwiches are amazing. Actually, I loved all the Swedish food I tried. I'd go so far as to say that I'm a fan for life. Which is odd, because you never hear much about Swedish food. It's always "Asian, Italian, Mexican..." Where's the Swedish?

- The Stockholm Absolut Ice Bar - This is a bar that was made entirely out of ice. Even the glasses were made of ice. They gave us all "warmth capes" and gloves because the whole room is kept at -5 Celsius to prevent the tables, couches and whatnot from melting. They had several varieties of both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. I just liked it because one's shoes would freeze to the metal floor so with every step you'd have to kind of un-stick yourself.

- The People Watching - Scandanavians have somehow hit the genetic jackpot. The girls are all amazingly gorgeous and everyone is quite tall. I am also tall, but the people are noticeably taller than in Germany or in the U.S.

- The High School Graduation - There were dozens of dumptrucks rolling around the streets of Stockholm with the graduation high school classes of 2009. They were playing loud techno, "hootin and hollerin," drinking and just generally waving at the citizens and tourists in Stockholm. I raised my hand in a thumbs up to one truck, and was met with a roar of applause. I could not help but to laugh out loud. The government took care of all this, as well. Workers were driving the trucks, and guiding the traffic. If we did something like this in America, we would have 100% graduation rates.

I really want to go back to Stockholm someday, and spend some more time there. Though, I can imagine that it is rather insane during the winters, as it was very cold there in June. So, I can only imagine that the freezing cold of the Nordic winter combined with almost complete darkness all day long would make me a little down.

Traveling has been very helpful in dealing with my permanent vacation. The constant distraction it provides is good for my mind. Less than a week after returning from Sweden, I went on a road trip to Austria, but I am saving that for another entry. (...I won't wait 3 weeks to post again, either.)