Change I can believe in

So I am currently sitting on the couch in my mother's home in Sarasota, FL. I arrived here yesterday after days of packing up my apartment in Tallahassee, FL. I will keep this part of the rant short, but basically I feel the act of "moving" to be one of the most strenuous and difficult tasks to do. Partly this is because I am a notorious pack-rat, and had not thrown anything away since my first apartment when I was 19 years in 2001.

I ended up throwing away a great deal of detritus this time. Everything from college notebooks to my 2004 "Employee of the Month" certificate from when I worked at Blockbuster Video. Jesus. What the hell compelled me to keep such a thing? There's more, of course. Letters, notes, papers, pamphlets, movie ticket-stubs, the list goes on and on. Mainly, when all was said and done, I kept my books, my DVDs, some clothes (though I donated 6 garbage bags full of clothing to Goodwill, along with most of my other meaningless possessions [plates, towels, blankets... essentially everything I DIDN'T keep]). I sold all of my video games and systems for $222 cash, which was awesome. I gave away half of my furniture, my television, bookshelves, chairs.

Ridding oneself of most material items is marvelously liberating, to be quite honest.

Besides, I couldn't take it to Germany when I leave here [in FOUR days], and don't want to store it all somewhere. Just isn't worth it.

The hardest thing to do was to give up my cat, Merle. I had him for over six years, after rescuing him from a dumpster near my first apartment in 2002. It was particularly cold that year, and he was very young and thin. I gave him to a couple in Tallahassee who work for an international environmental law firm. When I left their apartment after saying farewell to my feline, I felt like someone had just shot my son in front of my eyes. I know that may sound ridiculous, but I had more trouble saying goodbye to Merle than to any human I've said goodbye to so far. I take comfort in the fact that he isn't dead, and will spend the latter half of his life in a loving home with people who have the means to take care of him. Plus, they promised to send pictures once and a while, which will help.

So, I am going to Germany on Saturday (landing Sunday the 28th) for an indeterminate amount of time. It could be a few months, or a few years (though much more likely to be the latter). I have written about this before, I know. I have been spinning my wheels, lost in a haze of boredom, apathy and loneliness for the past 5 months since I returned from Germany last time. A college graduate who is simply that. A 26-year old with a piece of paper saying that I'm smart enough to finish a four-year degree at a state university. Finally, I am moving abroad. To me this is the ultimate lifestyle change. I feel that this change is one that I need more than anything else since I moved to Tallahassee in 2006. Sure, there are plenty of things for me to be apprehensive about, but at this point I am just looking forward to believing in myself, in life, in my future once more.

For the very few of you who read this: Expect more frequent entries upon departure/arrival.